im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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