You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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