fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
