I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
