I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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