I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
