You're completely useless in the revolution.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
