so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
