I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
