OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
