My hair reeks of homosexuality.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
