There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
