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• (423): View more from Tennessee

  I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  What? You're not speaking real words.

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• (201): View more from New Jersey

  it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships

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• (716): View more from New York

  i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?

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• (937): View more from Ohio

  It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.

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• (781): View more from Massachusetts

  There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?

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• (419): View more from Ohio

  I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.

  (1-419): View more from Ohio

  it's a Wednesday?

  (419): View more from Ohio

  :)

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• (636): View more from Missouri

  Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent

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• (864): View more from South Carolina

  Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.

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• (989): View more from Michigan

  walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.

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• (307): View more from Wyoming

  Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents

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• (718): View more from New York

  With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult

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• (859): View more from Kentucky

  Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time

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• (501): View more from Arkansas

  I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.

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• (714): View more from California

  Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(

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