I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
