Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
