shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone š
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I just puked on a sprinklerā¦Motherfucker tried to spray me
Sorry, Geoff canāt come to his phone right now. Heās outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with āDTFā written on the windows
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