guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
