I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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