Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
