I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
