The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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