this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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