Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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