Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
