a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
