So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
