I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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