I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
