every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
