You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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