I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake đź‘Ś
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
