He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Someone came in the potted fern
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
