i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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