Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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