no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
