Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
