Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
