nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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