i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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