Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
