wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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