M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
