his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
