ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
