You work out of a Hotel?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Randomize
