Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
