Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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