I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
The ass gains better be worth it
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