I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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