I wanna bring you to show and tell
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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