I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
